St. Thomas the Apostle, a martyr for Jesus Christ, is famously nicknamed “Doubting Thomas.” He gets a lot of flack for being slow to believe because of today’s reading from the Gospel of John. One week after Easter Sunday, Jesus appears in the Upper Room once again. This time Thomas is there and Jesus says to him: “Put your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put it into my side, and do not be unbelieving, but believe.” Yet the Gospels show that other disciples were slow to believe as well. The last chapter of St. Mark’s Gospel summarizes Jesus’ post-Resurrection appearances in this way:
“When he had risen, early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had driven seven demons. She went and told his companions who were mourning and weeping. When they heard that he was alive and had been seen by her, they did not believe. After this he appeared in another form to two of them walking along on their way to the country. They returned and told the others; but they did not believe them either. But later, as [the apostles] were at table, he appeared to them and rebuked them for their unbelief and hardness of heart because they had not believed those who saw him after he had been raised.”
St. Luke records how at that first appearance in the Upper Room, even after Jesus had shown them his wounded hands and his feet, the disciples were “still incredulous for joy.” And later, when the eleven apostles went back up north to Galilee, to a mountain to which Jesus had ordered them, St. Matthew notes, “when they saw him, they worshiped, but they doubted.” There Jesus gave them The Great Commission to make disciples of all nations, even though their faith was not yet perfect.
After everything that the apostles had witnessed Jesus do during his ministry; including multiplying loaves and fishes to feed thousands of people, walking on water, and bringing at least three persons back to life, they still felt doubt. Jesus had raised Jairus’ 12-year-old daughter from the dead. He raised the only son of a widow of the city of Nain from the dead. And Jesus raised Lazarus, the brother of Martha and Mary of Bethany, from the dead. Yet the apostles still doubted, despite evidence, that Jesus himself had resurrected from his tomb. This seems senseless, but I can’t be very hard on them.
When I was in school, our science teacher once attached a bowling ball to a rope and attached that rope to the ceiling. The challenge was to hold the ball up to your nose (so that the rope was without slack) and then to release it, allowing the bowling ball to swing away and swing back toward your face, without flinching. Now I knew that if I didn’t push the ball away when I released it, and if no one touched the ball while it was in motion, if the whole thing held together and if I stood in place, there was no way that bowling ball could possibly hit my face. But when I saw it coming toward my face, I still flinched and stepped back. What we feel doesn’t always match what we think.
It’s like when you fly on an airplane. You know its the safest form of travel. But maybe you still get a bit anxious as you’re boarding, or when the jet accelerates faster and faster down the runway, and climbs thousands of feet up with nothing but empty air between you and the ground. You’re a little alarmed when you hear the aircraft make its mechanical sounds, or when you’re descending to land and you see everything on the ground getting closer and closer, hurtling by. You feel nervous flying, even though your car trips to and from the airports put your life in greater danger than the flight. I think this is just a part of our present human condition; we can doubt even the things we know with certainty. So how can you nurture and deepen your faith? First, in Christian community. Second, by asking and seeking. And third, by being it into being.
Christian community, both here at Mass and outside of Church, helps sustain our faith and grow it. We Christians are like lit charcoals inside of a cookout grill. If you were to dump and scatter these coals across your driveway, they would cool off entirely, achieving nothing but a mess. But by gathering these lit coals together, they become hotter and remain hot by sharing one another’s warmth. As the Letter to the Hebrews says, “We must consider how to rouse one another to love and good works. We should not stay away from our assembly, as is the custom of some, but encourage one another.” When St. Thomas was not yet fully convinced that Jesus had arisen, he still remained within the Christian community. Inside the Upper Room, where the first Eucharist was celebrated, Thomas went on to become convinced of the wonderful truth about our Lord and our God. So do not neglect, but prioritize in your life, your Christian friendships and our community.
Another important way to nurture and deepen your faith is by asking good questions about it and seeking out the truth. The two disciples on the road to Emmaus were discussing and debating with one another about Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection. Then, though they did not fully recognize his presence, Jesus himself drew near and walked with them. He opened their minds to understand the Scriptures and set their hearts burning with new faith and joy. Jesus calls us to be childlike but he wants our faith to be mature. He invited Doubting Thomas to investigate and probe him. Jesus says, “Whoever asks receives, and whoever seeks finds.” So ask mature, challenging questions about our Faith, in conversation, in study, and in prayer. Ask good questions and you will find solid answers to strengthen your faith.
And a third way to deepen your faith is by being it into being. What are the true and beautiful things we believe that you tend to doubt? What are some Christian truths you profess but sometimes have a hard time feeling or living out? Maybe it’s the belief that you’re loved. Maybe it’s the belief that you’re forgiven, or that you could be reconciled to God. Maybe it’s believing that you’re never truly alone. Or maybe it’s believing that Jesus is alive and active today in your life and our world. Ask God to show you your half-accepted Christian beliefs and reflect on them. Ask God for grace to accept these more fully and then be them into being, by which I mean, act as you would if you accepted these truths completely. Then you will begin living more like Jesus wills for you.
On one occasion, the apostles pleaded with Jesus, “Increase our faith!” And the Lord replied, “If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you would say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.’” Here Jesus is saying that even if your present faith is tiny, know that your small, imperfect faith is already enough for you to begin doing and becoming everything that he desires for you.
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