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God’s Amazing Encouragements for Joseph and Mary

January 8, 2023

Feast of the Epiphany
By Fr. Victor Feltes

Unlike how some imagine the event, the magi were not in Bethlehem on Christmas night or even the following day. (You will notice that our magi statues did not reach our Nativity scene until this Feast of the Epiphany.) On Christmas night, the Holy Family was visited by local shepherds. The shepherds had seen a vision of angels proclaiming the birth of Christ. St. Luke records that Joseph and Mary “were amazed by what had been told them by the shepherds. And Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart.”

At least forty days later, Joseph and Mary presented Baby Jesus in the Temple to offer a sacrifice for him. When they carried Jesus in, an aged prophet and prophetess named Simeon and Anna came forward to proclaim great things about the child. And again, St. Luke writes that Jesus’ “father and mother were amazed at what was said about him.” Under Old Testament Law, a firstborn son required the sacrifice of a lamb, but if his parents could not afford this, two turtledoves or pigeons could be offered instead. Joseph and Mary sacrificed a pair of birds because they did not have enough money to purchase a lamb. The magi had not yet arrived with their gift of gold.

Sometime after the Presentation in the Temple, magi from the east came to Bethlehem. (Based upon whom wicked King Herod hunted afterwards, the magi may have arrived even two years after Christ’s birth.) The Holy Family, having moved out of the Christmas stable, was now living in a house. And “on entering the house [the magi] saw the child with Mary his mother. They prostrated themselves and did him homage. Then they opened their treasures and offered him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.” The magi explained how a certain rising star had informed them of this new king’s birth; how the star had preceded them and stopped over this place where the child was. Though St. Mathew’s Gospel does not explicitly say so, Joseph and Mary were surely amazed by this encounter as well.

The shepherds on Christmas, Simeon and Anna at the Temple, and the magi preceding the Holy Family’s escape into Egypt were amazing consolations for Joseph and Mary at challenging times in their lives. Imagine the stress of delivering a baby in a stable after being unable to find any place better. Imagine feeling embarrassment at being too poor to afford the best sacrifice for the Son of God at the Temple. Imagine the anxiety of having to flee to another land to save your family’s lives. One could imagine a person asking in such circumstances “Why is this happening? Have we done something wrong? Is God really with us in all this?” But in the midst of their difficult trials, God gave Joseph and Mary encouraging signs to reassure them that he was indeed with them and that their faithful struggles really mattered.

Our missions may not be as lofty as Joseph and Mary’s, but we can be helped by divine consolations too. In our trials, we can either choose to fall to the temptation of clinging to bitterness and settling for cynicism, or instead be receptive to signs and open to wonders. We can recall in our hearts (like Mary) the great things God has done. We can also pray to God for new gifts of consolation. We can ask to receive his strengthening reassurances, that he is with us and that our personal sacrifices truly matter. As St. Paul says, “God is faithful; he will not let you be tested beyond what you can bear. But when you are tested he will also provide a way [through] so that you can endure it.” God gives us his own Son at Christmas, on the Cross, and in the Holy Eucharist — how will he refuse to give us whatever else we truly need? As he did for Joseph and Mary before us, God will answer our prayers in times of burden with amazing and helpful encouragements.

Posted in Blessed Virgin Mary, Feast Day Homilies, Homily, Nativity, Presentation, Redemptive Suffering, Saintly People, St. Joseph, Sunday Homilies, The Magi | 1 Comment »

Holy Shepherds and a Holy Mother

January 1, 2023

Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God
By Fr. Victor Feltes

The shepherds, after encountering the herald angels, went in haste to Bethlehem. They knew they were searching for an animal stable, for the angel had told them their “Messiah and Lord” would be “lying in a manger.” They came to the cave of the Nativity and found St. Joseph, Mother Mary, and her holy child. She had wrapped Jesus’ tiny body in strips of cloth called swaddling clothes and laid him in a feed trough to serve as his first crib. On the first Christmas night, lots of people were in and around the little town of Bethlehem. The Roman census had brought so many visitors that there was no room for the Holy Family at the inn. So of all the people in the area why did the angels announce the big news of the Savior’s birth to the shepherds in particular?

Jesus was “born of a woman, born under the law,” about five miles from the Jewish Temple in Jerusalem. In the law of the Old Covenant, God commanded his people to sacrifice lambs. Every day and especially for the Feast of Passover, lambs were offered on Jerusalem’s holy altar. God’s instructions were clear: the “lamb must be a year-old male and without blemish.” By custom, these lambs came from the fields outside of Bethlehem. And so, the young, male, flawless lambs to be sacrificed in Jerusalem were first presented by these shepherds. Mary had a little lamb; the Lamb of God who would take away the sins of the world, and these shepherds made him known. The circumstances of Jesus’ birth foreshadowed what was to come.

Jesus Christ, the perfect Lamb of God, would go on to be slain, sacrificed at Passover. His mother Mary, who had wrapped him in swaddling clothes, would go on to see him wrapped in a linen shroud. One Joseph had arranged the place for his birth, another Joseph would provide the place for his burial. Mary, who had given birth to Jesus in a cave, would deliver his body to a rock-hewn tomb. And Baby Jesus, who was laid in a grain box in a city whose name means “House of Bread,” would offer his own Body as the Bread of Life for the salvation of the world.

Today we celebrate Mary as the mother of God. How is she the mother of God? Is she the mother of God the Father? No. Is she the mother of the Holy Spirit? No. Is she the mother of Jesus? She is. Is Jesus God? Yes, he is. Therefore, Mary is rightfully called the mother of God. Celebrating her as the mother of God at the start of each year helps to preserve and protect the truth about who her Son is. Jesus is fully human, born of a human mother, while at the same time he is also fully divine, begotten by God the Father. On Christmas, Mary gives birth to a single person who is both God and man. Without Mary, we would not know Jesus in the way that we do now.

There is further reason to celebrate Mary: God created her to be Jesus’ mother and to be our mother, too. As the recently departed Pope Benedict XVI said, “Mary has truly become the mother of all believers.” He observed that “if Mary no longer finds a place in many theologies and ecclesiologies, the reason is obvious: they have reduced the faith to an abstraction. And an abstraction does not need a mother.” Our faith is more than a mere concept—it is about relationship as part of a family. “Being Christian,” Pope Benedict wrote, “is not the result of an ethical choice or a lofty idea, but the encounter with an event, a person, which gives life a new horizon and a decisive direction.” He wrote: “Each of us is the result of a thought of God. Each of us is willed, each of us is loved, each of us is necessary. There is nothing more beautiful than to be surprised by the Gospel, by the encounter with Christ.”

In the future, Pope Benedict is very likely to be canonized a saint and declared a Doctor (that is, a great teacher) of the Church. He is arguably the greatest theologian of the 20th century. So what would you guess were the last dying words of this brilliant man (according to his private secretary)? They were simply, “Jesus, I love you.” We are blessed and rejoice to have a mother in Mary. And through her we have a Brother, Friend, Lord, and Savior in her Son, Jesus. With this new year, let us rejoice in Jesus Christ, our Mother Mary, and our Catholic Faith, for they produce great saints and salvation from Christmas in Bethlehem to across our world today.

Posted in Catholic Church, Holy Trinity, Homily, Jesus Christ, Motherhood, Nativity, Saintly People, Sunday Homilies, Typology | Leave a Comment »

Something New Under the Sun — Funeral Homily for Marvin Weber, 94

December 30, 2022

By Fr. Victor Feltes

Ancient people thought about time differently than us. They did not picture time to be like a flying arrow, moving forward toward some end and purpose. They imagined time to be like a flat circle, going round and round. They saw history, in its broad strokes, repeating itself. The same four seasons, cycling over and over. Every empire eventually being replaced by another. This attitude is reflected in the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes, whose author wrote:

“What has been, that will be; what has been done, that will be done. Nothing is new under the sun! Even the thing of which we say, ‘See, this is new!’ has already existed in the ages that preceded us.”

That author adds:

“There is no remembrance of past generations; nor will future generations be remembered by those who come after them.”

Indeed, very few people’s names are remembered by this world after just a handful of generations. To keep track of time in the ancient world, the custom was to refer to the years of the ruler’s reign (such as “the 15th year of the reign of Tiberius Caesar”). Yet those earthly rulers came and went, as history spun round and round with no apparent purpose.

But then, unexpectedly, something truly new happened under the sun. It is an event that we always celebrate during the present time of year. At the center of history, God entered history, becoming a human being like us. “Behold, God’s dwelling is with the human race.” We now number all the years of time as before or after the Christmas birth of Christ our King (“B.C.” or “A.D.”). Jesus says, “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.” His life reveals that our lives, this world, and all human history are not merely random accidents but exist with purpose in God’s plan. As Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI said, “Each of us is the result of a thought of God. Each of us is willed, each of us is loved, each of us is necessary.”

We are gathered here for Marvin’s funeral at a meaningful time. He passed away two weeks ago, before the celebration of Christmas. Today, we offer his funeral Mass during the week between Christmas Day and a new year. His peaceful passing comes, in a sense, both before and after Christmas. Year after year, Marvin already knew and looked forward to the joy of Christ’s coming. He had already experienced great joy in Jesus but had not yet experienced its fullness in the time to come. The life of Jesus Christ causes us to see a Christian’s death through eyes which are different than the world’s. For a Christian, dying, “this momentary light affliction, is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” So Marvin’s passing is more than just a sad parting; it is a cause for joy in us as well.

Marvin married Betty inside this church 65 years ago. She told me many stories about her husband’s life, and there is no way I could retell them as thoroughly or as well as she. But I would like to highlight three anecdotes: First, Betty told me about Marvin’s dad who, when Marvin was about seven years old abandoned his family. Thirty years later, he appeared at his son’s doorstep and said, “I’m here.” He offered no apology, he gave no explanation, and Marvin was not happy about that, but Marvin valued forgiveness and forgave him. Marvin said he wanted his children to have a grandfather; he wanted them to know his father. Second, Betty tells me regarding Marvin, “If he found two pieces of wood he would make something.” Marvin has loved woodworking. He delights to repair or remake things into something greater. And third, at an age of 94, Marvin died relatively young. Because of the longevity of many of his ancestors who lived to be more than 100, Marvin died at a younger age than he had expected. For this reason, according to Betty he often put projects off for later saying, “I’ve got time.”

In our Gospel, Jesus tells us, “Where I am going you know the way. … I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” Christians’ lives throughout the centuries will reflect the One whom they have followed. For instance, despite our past unfaithfulness, our abandonment of God, Jesus forgave us, because he desired that we would come to know his Father. Christ took two pieces of wood for his Cross and used them to repair us and make us into something greater. And though our Lord died relatively young, with the resurrection he’s got time—everlasting life—to share with us forever.

The world will not remember us a few generations from now, but though the world may forget us, Jesus never will. Christ our King has come; entered time, our world, and our humanity to save us. So on this day of Marvin’s funeral, we are consoled by Jesus’ words: “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. … Behold, I make all things new.”

Posted in Culture, Funeral Homilies, Homily, Incarnation, Jesus Christ, Nativity, Salvation History | Leave a Comment »

Good News Needed by Each & All

December 24, 2022

Christmas Mass
By Fr. Victor Feltes

“I proclaim to you good news of great joy!” Today is born our Savior, Christ the Lord. Why is his birth such good news? Well, why do people still need Jesus Christ today?

Would you say we presently live in a time of great wisdom? A time of advanced technology? Certainly. A time with more wealth than previous centuries? Sure. But is this a time of great wisdom? Relatively few know how to live rightly, anchored firmly in hope, and thrive. Would you say we live in a time of great heroes? Who would be our heroes now beyond paid athletes or fictional characters with superpowers? No U.S. politician in national office today has an approval above 50%. And even the best leaders among us are flawed. Would you say we live in a time of strong fatherhood? Rather, families are increasingly strained or broken. And many people have never had a good father. Would you say we live in a time of great peace? Bombs are not exploding around us like in Ukraine, but is there peace in our culture and peace in all our souls?

The good news of Christmas, as the Prophet Isaiah foretold in our first reading, is that ‘the people who walk in darkness see a great light; upon those who dwell in the land of gloom a light shines.’ “A child is born to us, a son is given us… They name him Wonder-Counselor, God-Hero, Father-Forever, Prince of Peace.” In our foolish world, Jesus is the wisest teacher whose counsel wondrously changes lives. In our unvirtuous world, Jesus is the only flawless hero; he is God among us. In our world lacking fatherhood, Jesus says he “only [does] what he sees his Father doing”— so Jesus acts and loves like his Good Father forever. And in our troubled world, Jesus is the Lord who would bring us peace, both around us and within us.

In the days of the birth of Jesus, St. Matthew’s Gospel notes a decree had gone out from the Roman Emperor that the whole world should be enrolled in a census. (This brought the Holy Family to Bethlehem.) Caesar Augustus wanted everybody grouped and tallied for his worldly purposes: to tax more efficiently, to draft more men for war, and to dominate more effectively. Beginning with the birth of Jesus at the center of history, God decrees for all the people of the world to be gathered into his Church for his holy purposes. It is not to tax us, but to give us his gifts. It is not for waging wars, but to bring about his peace. It is not to dominate us, but to share with us the freedom of his Kingdom. Like St. Paul says in our second reading, the grace of God has appeared in Christ to save and train us all to reject godless ways and worldly desires and to live temperately, justly, and devoutly in this age, as we await our blessed hopes: the return of Christ, the resurrection of the dead, and everlasting life with him.

On Christmas Day, Divine Providence brought the Holy Family (Jesus, Mary, and Joseph) and the shepherds all together. God’s Providence has likewise brought you and all of us together this morning with the Lord Jesus in this Church. Will you be here next Sunday? I pray the joyful news of Christmas will bring you back again. The Lord who loves you calls you. Our world needs Jesus Christ profoundly and so do you.

Posted in Culture, Feast Day Homilies, Homily, Jesus Christ, Mass, Nativity | 1 Comment »

Make Room for the Child Jesus

December 24, 2022

Christmas Mass
By Fr. Chinnappan Pelavendran

Once up a time there was a class of small children who wanted to have a nativity play. One of the children, a very tall boy wanted to be a shepherd and carry the sheep on his shoulders, but the teacher decided that he should be the innkeeper who would drive away Mary and Joseph away from the inn. When Mary and Joseph came to the inn, the little innkeeper told them loudly that there was no room for them. Mary turned to Joseph and began to cry. The little innkeeper turn back to them and said, there is no room here in the inn but you can take my room. He showed the spirit of Christmas that there is room for everyone.

Christmas is the feast of God sending us a Savior. The Incarnation of Jesus as the True God and true man was to save us from our sins. As our Savior, Jesus freed us from the slavery of sin and atoned for our sins through his suffering, death, and Resurrection. Every Christmas reminds us that we need a Savior every day of our lives.

Christmas is the Feast of God’s sharing his love with us. Jesus, as our Savior, brought the Good News that our God is a loving, forgiving, and merciful God. He demonstrated by his life and teaching how god our heavenly father loves us and forgives us. All of His miracles were signs of His divine love. At the end, Jesus gave his life and died on the cross to atone for our sins and make us children of God. Each Christmas reminds us that sharing love with others is our Christian privilege and duty. Let Jesus be reborn in our hearts and lives, not only during Christmas but every day. His presence within us will allow us to share our love in words and deeds.

Christmas is the feast of Emmanuel, God living with us and within us. The New Testament begins with the birth of Christ. He has now come to live with us and continues to live with us during our entire life. He lives in us in the sacraments, especially in the holy Eucharist.

Christmas reminds us that we are to bring God to those around us by loving them as Jesus did. This is the best Christmas gift we can give or receive today.

Today the new king is born to us and He is not like any secular king. The first people to find out about his birth are not the royal officials, religious officials, military leaders, or the wealthy elite. The first people to be informed are the shepherds whose social and political status would be among the lowest ranks. The angels announced the birth of Jesus and declared he is the Messiah and the lord. There is no palace or royal household for him, he is wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in the manger. There is no celebration, only silence. We are aware that Christmas is the birthday of Jesus and we share it too since we are reborn as children of God at our baptism. This is the news of great Joy and he is the great light that has appeared in the world.

When Jesus first came into the world over two thousand years ago, His arrival was to fulfill the promise of God. The Bible tells us that from the Fall of Adam and Eve, God promised to send a redeemer. The people waited eagerly for him. Sometimes they were faithful to God and sometimes they were not. The birth of Jesus is a reminder that God is faithful forever and has not forgotten us. It is a reminder of how much God loves us. It is a reminder that God has reached down to us, so we may reach up to Him with praises and glory in thanksgiving for our salvation.

Let us enjoy the true spirit of Christmas by accepting Jesus the Christmas Baby as our Savior – God. Let us invite him to rule our lives and ask him for the strengthening power of his Holy Spirit to do God’s will every day of our lives. Let us be like the little innkeeper that we talked about earlier, and make room for the Child Jesus in our hearts.

Posted in Feast Day Homilies, Homily, Nativity, Salvation History | Leave a Comment »

The Openness, Obedience, & One Word of St. Joseph

December 18, 2022

4th Sunday of Advent
By Fr. Victor Feltes

Our Gospel this final Sunday of Advent centers on St. Joseph. It recounts how St. Joseph received the stunning revelation of Mary’s pregnancy. We can learn from the great saint’s response — from his openness, his obedience, and his one word.

Mary was already Joseph’s wife when she conceived her child. In their Jewish culture, a newlywed couple would live apart for the first year of marriage. Thereafter, the husband would bring his betrothed into his home to live with him. When Mary conceived a child (whom Joseph knew was not his) why did he decide to divorce her? Was Joseph heartbroken because he believed she had betrayed him? Or was Joseph frightened, because he believed her story of the Annunciation and thought himself unworthy of this holy woman and her holy child? Whatever the case, Joseph was a righteous man and unwilling to expose Mary to shame, so he intended to divorce her quietly.

Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into your home because it is through the Holy Spirit that this child has been conceived in her. She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” Once Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary into his home.

I used to fret very much about precisely discerning God’s will. “What if the Lord wants me to do a specific thing but I can’t figure it out?” During my college and seminary years, I thought I had a vocation to the priesthood but how could I be sure? I worried, “What if I get this discernment terribly, terribly wrong?” Then a holy friend gave me peace of mind by pointing to St. Joseph. When Joseph was about to make a terrible mistake by separating himself from Mary and Jesus, it only took one night’s dream to get him back on the right track because Joseph desired to do whatever God willed. God can easily redirect a willing heart.

People sometimes complain, “I wish God would just tell me what to do!” But unless we are open to doing God’s will, what good would his directions do us? Imitate St. Joseph in his openness. Like with the Blessed Virgin Mary, Joseph’s openness allowed God to do great things through him. So resolve your will and pray for the grace to always be open to God’s will like St. Joseph. Another St. Joseph trait of we can imitate and profit from is his simple obedience.

St. Matthew’s Gospel records, “When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took his wife into his home… and he named [the boy] Jesus.” On this occasion, like later when told to flee to Egypt or told to return to Israel, Joseph does point-by-point what God commands. Like Moses in the Old Testament, whenever God instructs Joseph to do (A) and (B) and (C), the author notes how Joseph then does (A) and (B) and (C).

Moses and Joseph’s duties were different from ours today. We will not construct an Ark of the Covenant, nor protect and provide for the Holy Family, but each of us has persons and tasks entrusted to us by God; people to care for and works to be done. You already know a great deal of what God has commanded you to do; your own (A) and (B) and (C) according to your state in life. You will not fulfill your missions perfectly—and that’s OK—but imitate St. Joseph in his simple obedience because your basic, God-given duties are more important than you realize.

A third and final feature of St. Joseph reflected in today’s Gospel is his single word. Did you ever hear that in all of Scripture there are no recorded quotes from St. Joseph? It’s true: Jesus has many, Mary has several, but Joseph has none. Now there is no evidence that St. Joseph lacked the ability to speak or ever took a vow of silence.  Joseph probably said many things that were simply not written down. Yet today’s Gospel contains the strongest evidence of his having said any one particular word. What was that word?

The angel in Joseph’s dream said of the unborn child: “You are to name him Jesus.” And when Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him. Joseph named him Jesus. The name of Jesus was St. Joseph’s greatest and most important word. Ever after, the name of Jesus defined his life.

Learn from St. Joseph, the husband of Mary and foster-father of Jesus. Imitate his openness to doing God’s will whatever it may be. Benefit from practicing his obedience in your daily duties. “And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,” like St. Joseph did.

Posted in Blessed Virgin Mary, Chrisitian Virtues, Christian Perfection, Discipline, Faith, Homily, Love, Moses, Nativity, St. Joseph, Sunday Homilies, Trust, Work | 1 Comment »

Learning from the Angels

December 24, 2021

Christmas, the Nativity of the Lord

It can be an alarming experience to encounter an angel. Their presence is typically veiled to us but once revealed to our human perception angels radiate such mightiness, holiness, and otherworldliness, that often the first thing they say upon appearing is: “Do not be afraid.” So it was on the first Christmas night in the fields outside the little town of Bethlehem where the shepherds kept watch over their flock.

A heavenly angel appeared to them, the Lord’s glory shone around them, and the shepherds were utterly terrified. But the herald angel said, “Do not be afraid… I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. …Today in the city of David a savior has been born for you who is Christ and Lord.” The angel then gave them a sign to look for, to know that they had found the newborn king: “You will find an infant wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.” Suddenly, a whole multitude of angels appeared, praising God and saying: “Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests!” When the angels departed the shepherds were seemingly alone once more in the dark and quiet field.

Like the gospel two weeks ago about St. John the Baptist’s preaching, what strikes me about the angels’ proclamation is what the shepherds are not told to do. The Holy Family was very poor, but the shepherds are not told to bring them coins. The cave-stable in which Jesus laid was probably dirty like a barn, but the shepherds are not told to bring him a broom or clean blankets. Jesus’ parents had had a long day, but the shepherds are not told to bring them a meal. Any of these things would have been good gifts, but none of them were the most important thing. The angels invited the shepherds to bring themselves to Jesus; to approach him, see him, know him, love him, honor him; to come and encounter him, to come and adore him. This is the greatest gift.

Jesus Christ had only just been born on earth but the angels had already met the eternal Son of God in heaven. Through him all things were made, including the angels. The angels knew him from the start of their existence and in highest heaven they adored him constantly beholding his unveiled glory. In this, the angels seem to have an advantage compared to us. We see God’s creations, but they see the Craftsman. We see his effects, but they see the Source. We see his works which reflect his glory, but they see his glory directly. At Jesus’ birth, we see the Godhead veiled in flesh, lying in the manger. At his Holy Mass, we see Jesus Christ in the Eucharist, veiled in the appearances of bread and wine. Every good and beautiful thing you have ever enjoyed has its existence from him who is the most real, the most delightful, the greatest and best of all. And yet, for us human beings, God is easy to overlook.

If an angel had not visited the shepherds they would not have realized that they were within walking distance of their Savior, Messiah, and Lord. But once the angels had proclaimed the message and went away from them to heaven, the shepherds turned and said to one another, “Let us go, then, to Bethlehem to see this thing that has taken place, which the Lord has made known to us!” The shepherds left in haste, but imagine if… they had chosen not to go. The shepherds could have chosen not to go into Bethlehem. Nobody was forcing them to visit the Holy Family. They could have ignored Jesus and stayed away from him. Many people do.

The angels, in their beginning, once faced a choice like this themselves: would they love and adore and serve the Lord or would they disregard him, rejecting him and his reign? Would they love him or not? Would they worship God or themselves? The spirits who chose well are called the angels. The spirits who chose badly are called the demons. Ever since that decisive decision, the angels have loved and worshipped the Lord and been rightly ordered and thriving in his will, while the demons who refused to love and worship him have been disordered and depraved through and through.

Worship and love are linked. We worship what we love most, and that impacts our relationships to other things for good or ill. Imagine a child on Christmas morning who excitedly unwraps a new and coveted toy which, for a while, they love more than anything on earth. Will they remember to thank Mom and Dad who gifted it, or be too distracted to show gratitude? Will they be willing to share the toy with their brothers and sisters, or resent and fight against anyone who wants it? Will they draw closer to their family, or isolate to be alone with their most precious possession? Will they be delighted by that toy forever, or feel disappointment when it does not provide happiness unending? As adults, our coveted toys, our disordered loves, take different forms but lead to similar results. To love God as our greatest good and worship him with thanksgiving, praise, and openness to grace, are essential for us to love him and people and things like we should.

For the first Christmas, the angels’ gift to Jesus Christ was worship: “Glory to God in the highest!” And the angels’ gift to the human race was an invitation for us to do the same. As God’s messenger to you this sacred day, I invite and urge you to return to this church soon to faithfully encounter and adore your Savior, Christ, and Lord.

Posted in Angels, Feast Day Homilies, Nativity, Sunday Homilies, The Shepherds | Leave a Comment »

Christmas, Unlike We Envisioned It — Funeral Homily for Dr. S. Ann Hartlage-Feltes, 79

December 16, 2021

Ann and Larry realized something was gravely wrong during their recent vacation abroad. She was experiencing persistent and unexplained fatigue and shortness of breath. Just some forty days later, the cancer present and growing within her ended her earthly life. It’s stunning, it’s shocking, that a woman we know as being so energetically alive could pass away from us so quickly. As a good and faithful spouse to Larry after James’ passing, as a loving, caring mother to David, Kristin, and Ken, as a devoted, attentive grandma to her grandkids, as a dedicated psychologist to the clients and couples she served, as someone known and loved by us, her death creates a painful absence. How strange, how jarring, how incongruous it is, to be having her funeral now – so very close to Christmas. At a time for togetherness, we’re separated. In a season celebrating heavenly peace, we’re unsettled here on earth. Christmas joy, veiled by dismay. This is not how we imagine Christmas to be. And yet… the first Christmas was troubled too.

About fifteen months before the first Christmas, when Zachariah exited the temple sanctuary after having encountered an angel, he made excited, mute gestures to the people. Some concluded that he had seen vision but Zachariah was unable to speak or hear for many months. His wife, Elizabeth, may have worried whether her beloved suffered a stroke. Would he ever speak again? Then Elizabeth herself began to be unwell. She felt nauseous every day and noticed her abdomen expanding. Could she “who was called barren” somehow be pregnant, or was something gravely wrong?

Nine months before the first Christmas, the Blessed Virgin Mary gave her “Yes” to God’s plan at the Annunciation in Nazareth. An angel told Mary she would become the mother of the Messiah, but many details about her future remained hidden from her. Would her husband. Joseph, believe her when she told him? Would he become angry or afraid and decide to leave her? Joseph came very close to erroring and divorcing Mary, either because he judged her unworthy of him or because, believing her, he thought himself unworthy of her. After a torturous time of doubt and uncertainty, an angel visited Joseph in a dream and got him back on the right track.

Joseph resolved to be the very best protector and provider to Mary and her Holy Child that he could be. So imagine his great frustration that first Christmas night, consider his distress at being unable to find a proper place for Mary’s labor and Jesus’ birth; only an unclean cave with a feed trough for a crib. The first Christmas and the events leading up to it were not easy for the people who lived them. Their times were troubled, with hardships and fears. But in the end, now looking back, the accomplishment of God’s loving plan for them was more beautiful than any of them would have imagined.

See what God did for these saints of his who suffered: St. Elizabeth was not sick and dying but with child, carrying the forerunner of the Christ. St. Zachariah would regain his voice and rejoice in their firstborn son, St. John the Baptist. St. Mary would never be abandoned, but was lovingly cared for through it all. And St. Joseph succeeded in his mission to be the best father on earth. Jesus Christ’s birth in a stable was not an accident, not a divine oversight, but according to God’s plan. Their stories are a sign for us, a lesson for our lives. The Scriptures repeatedly tell us to hope in God and the good things to come.

The author of today’s first reading laments, “My soul is deprived of peace, I have forgotten what happiness is,” yet the prophet does not despair. “The favors of the Lord are not exhausted, his mercies are not spent. … Good is the Lord to one who waits for him, to the soul that seeks him. It is good to hope in silence for the saving help of the Lord.” St. John tells us in our second reading: “The way we came to know love was that [Jesus] laid down his life for us.” Our Lord faced dying so bravely because he knew not even death would end God the Father’s blessings toward him.

Today we gather in this famous and beautiful cathedral to offer the Church’s greatest prayer, the Holy Mass, for Ann’s soul and our consolation. She and Larry have been parishioners here at Holy Name for years, attending Sunday Mass and sometimes weekday Masses, too. From this altar, Ann received her Lord, his Body and Blood, his Soul and Divinity, his living and entire Self, in the Holy Eucharist. Jesus says in our Gospel, “My Flesh is true food and my Blood is true drink… Whoever eats my Flesh and drinks my Blood has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day.” Today, we remember and are consoled by Jesus’ promise to Ann and us: “Whoever eats this bread will live forever.”

Because of Ann’s parting, this Christmas will not be as we envisioned. But we are consoled by the truth that even amid these trials God is accomplishing his loving plan for us, a plan which is more beautiful than we can now imagine.

Posted in Annunciation, Blessed Virgin Mary, Funeral Homilies, Hope, Nativity, Providence, Saintly People, Salvation History, St. John the Baptist, St. Joseph | Leave a Comment »

Jesus Christ: The Word of God

December 24, 2020

Christmas Night

In the beginning was the Word,
and the Word was with God,
and the Word was God.

Have you ever wondered why Jesus Christ is the Word? How is Jesus Christ a Word; or, how are words like Jesus Christ? Spoken words have a speaker. Written words have an author. And the person these words come from is revealed through them. My words reveal what is hidden within me. The words I generate reveal my inner self to you. If I did not speak, you would not know my thoughts. If I were invisible to you as well, you could not see my presence or my activity; nor could you read any emotions from my face. I would remain a mystery to you.

If I were unheard, unseen, and unknown, you might look at the objects I have made to learn something more about me. A Renaissance artist’s masterpiece differs greatly from a child’s finger-painting; and if we were to place the two paintings side-by-side it would be easy for us to guess who made which. The creator is revealed through his creations. If I built a mountain you would know of my strength, but you might wonder if I am hard and unfeeling like rock. If I created an ocean you would know of my greatness, but you might wonder if you were of relatively small significance to me. If I fashioned a star you would know of my vast reach, but you might wonder if I am distant from you.

In times past, God spoke to our ancestors in partial and various ways; such as through his creation and through his Old Testament prophets. But in these last days, God speaks to us through a Son who reveals the Father’s knowledge, will, and love. God the Son is our Father’s Eternal Word.

And the Word became flesh
and made his dwelling among us,
and we saw his glory…

In what way does God choose to come to us? We knew he was strong, but he comes weak and vulnerable. We knew he was great, but he comes lowly and meek. We knew he was vast, but he comes as someone very small. He possesses all riches, but he comes to an unwealthy place and time. A stable is certainly not a palace, and the little town of Bethlehem is not the great city of Rome. In fact, our present modern world is far more rich and comfortable than those ancient times and places were. Yet the Son of God chose to be born there and then as a human baby.

Why does Jesus come to us in this way? Imagine yourself supremely happy in Heaven. Ask yourself: for what possible reason would you ever leave there? “For us men and for our salvation he came down from Heaven.” For love of you and me, he humbly descends to reveal for us what God is like, to win our love and save us.

The Virgin Mary wraps baby Jesus in swaddling clothes. His beaten, crucified body will later be wrapped in a linen burial shroud. Mary lays baby Jesus in a manger, a feedthrough for animals. He will go on to offer himself as food for us, the Bread of Life for the world. Delivered first in a cave, Jesus will go on to be delivered from a tomb. Jesus Christ descends down to the depths to bring us up with him to the heights.

In yet another surprise, the Son of God, our Prince of Peace, our God-Hero and Emmanuel, comes to us so quietly and subtly. Sometime after the first Christmas, when the Magi showed up in Jerusalem seeking “the newborn king of the Jews,” King Herod and his court are completely oblivious of what has occurred in Bethlehem just six miles down the road. If not for the angels, the shepherds in the fields would not have known. And if not for those shepherds sharing the message they were told by the angels, who else in Bethlehem would have known besides Joseph and Mary? Jesus Christ’s birth was heralded and celebrated by some, but dismissed and ignored by many.

Jesus did not force the world to pay him notice then, and it is similar today. Despite all that he has done for us, he allows himself to be ignored. The Word of God is among us, but we must decide to listen; not only on Christmas but throughout the whole year. “Behold, I proclaim to you good news of great joy… a Savior has been born for you who is Christ and Lord.” So heed this Word and rejoice in this Word, for he has revealed to you what God is like, to win your love and save you.

Posted in Feast Day Homilies, God the Father, Holy Trinity, Homily, Jesus Christ, Nativity, Salvation History | Leave a Comment »

Bowing to the Child

December 23, 2020


When I was in seminary studying to become a priest, there was an older seminarian named Phil who years before had worked as a hospital orderly. An orderly does jobs around the hospital that the nurses and doctors don’t do, such as bringing people trays of food, tidying up rooms, or moving patients around the building. If you’re ever a patient in a hospital, when you’re discharged and it’s time to go home, they’ll put you into a wheelchair to roll you to the exit, even if you can walk just fine. (Maybe they don’t want anybody to fall and sue the hospital for lots of money.) In any case, one of my friend Phil’s jobs was to push peoples’ wheelchairs on their way out of the hospital. It was in doing this task that Phil noticed something interesting.

Sometimes the patient would be a mom who had recently given birth to a new baby. These women would hold their tiny children in their arms as Phil pushed them down hallways, in and out of elevators, and through the lobbies. What Phil noticed is that the other people in the hallways, elevators, and lobbies would stop, turn, and lean over for a closer look at the baby. Everyone was bowing down, showing love and honor, towards the child and its mother, with the father proudly looking on.

Notice in our gospel today how many people gathered around Elizabeth, Zechariah, and baby John the Baptist to celebrate his birth? God knows how much we love and flock to babies. So, in order that we might adore him more, for his glory and our good, the Son of God became a baby. Jesus became a baby to be even more adorable.

There are many wonderful Christmas customs and traditions, like trees and stockings and wrapped presents, but these are not the reason for the season. Whatever this coming Christmastime holds for you, whatever you are doing, be sure to stop, turn, and see the baby Jesus. Bow down with your heart with love and honor toward the holy Child and his loving mother, with God the Father proudly looking on.

Posted in Culture, Homily, Nativity, School Homilies, Weekday Homilies | Leave a Comment »

The Visiting Shepherds — Christmas Mass

December 25, 2019

Early on the first Christmas Eve, in a field outside of Bethlehem, I imagine one of the shepherds complaining to his companions: “Wouldn’t you know it, we have to work on Christmas!” That’s just a joke, of course. The shepherds near Bethlehem, living in the fields and keeping watch over their flock, had no reason to expect that night would be anything special. Indeed, if not for Jesus’ birth into our world, today would be just another workday and there would be no reason to celebrate. But Jesus did come into our world to save us, and those shepherds were his first invited guests. “Do not be afraid; for behold, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For today in the city of David a savior has been born for you who is Christ and Lord.”

These shepherds would seem to be unlikely guests. Not rich, not powerful, not admired; but poor, dirty, and smelly. They lived apart from the community like outcasts. Shepherds were so little trusted that they could not give testimony in court. And yet, God’s Good News was offered to them. The Emperor Caesar Augustus, whose census brought the Holy Family to Bethlehem, was not given an angelic invitation. Perhaps the Roman Emperor was too proud to receive one; unwilling to admit that he was not a god over anything and that one God deserved his full worship, love, and obedience. But the shepherds were humble, humble enough to listen to the Heaven-sent message and act on it. “Let us go, then, to Bethlehem to see this thing that has taken place, which the Lord has made known to us.”

The city of Bethlehem is to the south and west of Jerusalem. Bethlehem was only about 5½ miles away from the Jewish Temple, roughly the same direction and distance that St. John the Baptist Church in Cooks Valley is from here. Just as Bethlehem and Jerusalem are situated closely to each other, so Christmas points to Easter. The two are closely linked. It was specifically from Bethlehem’s flocks that sheep were provided to be sacrificed in Jerusalem for the peoples’ sins. In this region, the Lamb of God was born and to this region Jesus would return to die and rise to take away the sins of the world. Mary wrapped her little newborn snugly in swaddling clothes. Mary would later wrap his body in a linen burial shroud. Tradition says Joseph prepared a cave for the place of Jesus’ birth when other accommodations were unavailable. Later, another Joseph would make last-minute arrangements for Jesus to be buried in a rock-hewn tomb. Baby Jesus was born in Bethlehem, a city whose name means “House of Bread.” He was laid in a manger, a feed-box for grain. Later, on the day before he was to suffer, Jesus would take bread in hand and say, “Take this, all of you, and eat of it: for this is my body which will be given up for you.”

The shepherds went in haste into Bethlehem and found Mary, Joseph, and the baby Jesus there. “When they saw this, they made known the message that had been told them about this child. … Then the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, just as it had been told to them.” After Christmas, after that beautiful day, did the shepherds ever come back to visit the Holy Family? I doubt you could find two people more friendly and welcoming than holy Joseph and Mary, but did the shepherds ever take the opportunity to visit them and the Christ Child again? The Magi were soon to travel hundreds of miles to see Jesus just once, but these shepherds lived only a short, walking distance away. Did the shepherds ever take time come back and adore Jesus, to rest and to contemplate what he meant for their lives, to praise and thank the God for his presence in their midst? Did the shepherds ever get to know Mary and Joseph better, these holy saints and friends of God?

If the shepherds had spent a single hour each week in the presence of Christ and his holy family, imagine how it would have improved their daily lives; their work, their relationships, their whole outlook on life? Great graces flow from being close to Jesus. What do you think they should have done? What would you have done? We don’t know whether the shepherds ever came back again after Christmas, but if they didn’t, they really missed out. Living a life with Jesus Christ is better than a life neglecting him.

Christmas is a truly special day, a happy day and rightly so, but a day that points beyond merely itself to Easter and the fullness of Christ’s Gospel, Good News of great joy. For a Savior has been born for you who is Christ and Lord. Do not be too proud, do not be too busy, do not be afraid, make the short journeys to visit Jesus here again. Do not feel too unworthy to come, for even shepherds were his first guests. Feel welcome in this his dwelling place and find friends here among his family. Will you come back again after Christmas? I hope you will, but if you don’t, you’re really missing out; because living your life with Jesus Christ is better than life without him.

Posted in Feast Day Homilies, Homily, Mass, Nativity, Typology | 2 Comments »

Preaching Aid for Advent, Year A

November 7, 2019

This is a homily creation aid for preaching on themes of marriage and family during the seasons of Advent and Christmas during Year A of the lectionary cycle. I wrote this guide back in seminary and I welcome its being put to good use.

Posted in Church Year, Homily Builder, Nativity | Leave a Comment »

A Christmas Funeral

December 29, 2018

Funeral Homily for Marie Clark

There is an understandable and natural sadness felt in the passing of a well-loved mother, sister, aunt, grandma, and  great-grandmother like Marie in any season of the year. But a funeral like this, so close to Christmas, can feel strange as well. Perhaps I have forgotten but I can’t remember — in almost a decade of priesthood — ever offering a funeral Mass so close to the celebration of Jesus’ birth, with Christmas trees still in the sanctuary. And yet, this is not so strange as it may seem, for the birth of Jesus the Christ bears many connections with and foreshadowings of his death:

Jesus’ birthplace, a stable, was actually a cave. His burial-place, his tomb, was a cave as well.

The first cave was prepared by Joseph, the poor carpenter from Nazareth. The second cave was also prepared by a Joseph, a rich man from Arimathea.

At his birth, Mary wrapped Jesus’ body tightly in cloths for swaddling clothes. At his death, Mary also wrapped Jesus’ body, in linen cloth, for a burial shroud.

She placed his body in a manger, a feed-box for grain. He would give his own body as food, feeding his flock with his flesh and blood.

Who first heard the news of Jesus’ birth? It was shepherds in the fields outside Bethlehem. From Bethlehem’s flocks the lambs were provided for sacrifice at the Temple in Jerusalem about 5½ miles away. Jesus is the Lamb of God who was born to die as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

The Christmas trees in our sanctuary are evergreen and gloriously-lighted. Contrast that to the wood of the Cross, stark and dead, where we see the starkness of death in Christ crucified. Yet the cross bears the Light of the World, for Jesus says, “I am the Light of the World.” Life flows from this tree.

The Church, in these days following Christmas, celebrates a series of martyrs. The day after Christmas is the feast of St. Stephen, the first martyr after Jesus’ Ascension. Tomorrow, it’s St. Thomas Becket, a bishop martyred more than a millennium later. Today, it’s the Holy Infants of Bethlehem, who died unknowingly for Christ, but who the Church has long-celebrated as martyrs. We can fittingly celebrate the martyrs or even a funeral so close to Christmas because the birth of Jesus Christ has great and vast implications for life and death.

As we heard in our first reading, “If before men, indeed they be punished, yet is their hope full of immortality. … They seemed, in the view of the foolish, to be dead; and their passing away was thought an affliction, and their going forth from us, utter destruction. But they are in peace.” So, even in the dark valleys of life, we are courageous (as St. Paul twice declares in the second reading) for the Lord who died and rose is our shepherd. “Even though I walk in the dark valley I fear no evil; for you are at my side.” And this is our Gospel: ‘this is the will of the Father, that everyone who sees the Son and believes in him may have eternal life, and Jesus shall raise them on the last day.’

Pray for Marie’s soul, as is fitting and right, but be courageous and even joyful through the sadness; for at Christmas we see:

Christ, by highest heaven adored,
Christ, the everlasting Lord.
Late in time behold he comes,
offspring of the Virgin’s womb.

Mild he lays his glory by,
born that we no more may die,
born to raise us from the earth,
born to give us second birth.

With the herald angels sing,
“Glory to the newborn King.”

Posted in Funeral Homilies, Homily, Jesus Christ, Nativity, Typology | Leave a Comment »

Christ, the Peace Light, is Born

December 27, 2018

In the city of Israel that is called Bethlehem, the ancient Church of the Nativity marks the site of the first Christmas. There one can actually stoop and bend down beneath the central altar & touch the celebrated spot where Jesus Christ was born. It is fitting that the pilgrims bend low to do this, because the miracle of God becoming a human being — to live and die and rise for us — surely deserves humble reverence with everything that we are.

Earlier this year, as has happened for a number of years now, an Austrian child and their family was selected to travel to Bethlehem. Candles and lamps are always burning within the Church of the Nativity, and there this chosen child transferred their fire into two blast-proof lanterns. Then they all flew back to Austria, where this flame (called “The Peace Light”) has spread from lamp to lamp, light to light, candle to candle, into more than thirty European countries and to places around the world. On December 1st of this year, the Peace Light arrived at J.F.K. Airport in New York City and it has traveled from there across our country. This week, it providentially came to our parish.

Last Friday, a Hudson couple traveling with the Peace Light approached me after morning Mass at St. Paul’s. I had never heard of the Peace Light before, but I happily received it and kept it for this Christmas celebration. All the flames you see burning our sanctuary this Christmas were originally lit from Bethlehem’s flame. Now I carefully carried, protected, and preserved this light; especially when I only had one vigil candle. I realized that one error, one jostling of the liquid wax, could extinguish the fire; and then what would become of this, my Christmas homily? I’d be lost. But, thanks be to God, these candles are lit here today.

So why do we have candles at Mass? Since the early days of Christianity, when Catholic Mass was celebrated in hiding, underground in the catacombs, lamps have provided useful illumination. But these lights are not merely practical. In the late 300’s A.D., a heretic named Vigilantius criticized Christians in the East about many of their practices, including their lighting of great piles of candles while the sun was still shining in the sky. St. Jerome declared in answer to him that candles are lighted where the Gospel is proclaimed not merely to put darkness to flight, but as a sign of joy. As an added symbol, these candles on the altar (and the Easter Candle) are, by tradition, mostly made of beeswax. Because beeswax, which is the product of the virginal female bee, is like the flesh of Our Lord supplied by the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Of course, the celebrated Peace Light is not merely a symbol of some abstract notion or idea of peace; it’s a symbol of the very real person of Jesus Christ. The “Light of the World” entered our world from his mother’s womb in Bethlehem. And his light has spread across the world and throughout time to this place and our day. Today, our candles burn and shine for him.

Within you there is also candle, but it is a very vulnerable light. Through error or neglect its light can go out. And without this light we are in darkness without true joy. So Jesus commands us to regularly gather all our candles together here, to be re-lit from the Source, the Light of Christ. In conclusion, in case my symbolism has been too subtle: Have a very joyful Christmas, and know that Jesus Christ (who loves you) wishes you to return here again for his Holy Mass next Sunday.

Posted in Blessed Virgin Mary, Faith, Homily, Jesus Christ, Mass, Nativity, Salvation History, Typology | 2 Comments »

The Holy Family and Yours

January 1, 2018

Every year, Holy Mother Church presents the Holy Family for our contemplation and imitation. Some imagine life in the home of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph in the soft, pastel colors of a Christmas card; so holy, so flawless, so unobtainable. We wonder, “Can the Holy Family and my family really relate to one another?” At least two out of the three members of the Holy Family never sinned in their entire lives together. We, meanwhile, could jokingly refer to the Feast of the Holy Family as “Elbow-Nudge Sunday.” Throughout the world this day, wives and husbands, parents and children, take turns gently nudging one another as they listen to God’s words about marriage and family life. The Holy Family was holy, but that doesn’t mean their lives were easy or smooth.

I’ve previously written about the stresses and difficulties of the holy couple leading up to the first Christmas: about Mary’s crisis pregnancy, about Joseph grappling with his wife telling him the child within her is the Son of God and Joseph contemplating a divorce, about their giving birth to that holy child in an animal stable. And their trials together continued after Jesus’ birth.

Imagine being Mary and hearing Simeon prophesy, “Behold, this child is destined … to be a sign that will be contradicted — and you yourself a sword will pierce…” How would that make you feel about the future for you and your child? Picture being Mary as her husband awakes and says “our boy is being hunted, we need to leave tonight.” Consider Joseph, the servant-leader of his family, having to pack-up quickly and leave so much behind to take his family into hiding in Egypt. Later, an angel tells Joseph to bring his family back into Israel. So Joseph returns with Jesus and Mary, but he’s afraid to resettle in the south because the son of Herod the Great now rules Judea. With the help of another dream, Joseph decides to resettle in the north, in Nazareth of Galilee.

I mention all this because St. Joseph, the just and holy man, feared an earthly king even as he trusted God. St. Mary at the Annunciation did not know all the details of her future, but she trusted in God by saying, “Let it be done to me according to your word.” Our Lord Jesus, sweating blood from stress the night before he died, trusted God to say, “Not my will but yours be done.” Their holy lives were often difficult, but God always rewarded their trust, bringing about good for them in the end.

In Genesis, Abram (whose name later got changed to Abraham) was promised a son by the Lord. But the childless Abraham looks at the old age of his wife and himself and asks, ‘Will my steward, Eliezer, be my heir?‘ God answers, ‘No, not him; your own flesh and blood son shall be your heir.’ Then the Lord took Abraham outside and said, “Look up at the sky and count the stars, if you can. Just so,” he added, “shall your descendants be.” And Abraham put his faith in the Lord.

When I first heard this story (and maybe when you heard it too) I assumed this event happened at night. But the message is even more powerful if God told him to “look up at the sky and count the stars, if you can,” during the daytime. Where do the stars go during the day? We know they’re still there, even though the Sun’s brightness the sky’s blueness prevent us from seeing them. Abraham trusted in the Lord’s unwavering goodwill towards him and beheld God’s word fulfilled in the birth of Isaac. Through that son, Abraham received glory and the whole world was blessed.

One of the things Jesus says in the Gospels more than anything else is, “Be not afraid.” Sacrifice your fears. Imagine taking those obsessive worrying thoughts from your mind, placing them upon the altar, and lighting them afire like a sacrifice of old to God. “Let the peace of Christ control your heart…” Trust that “God works all things for the good of those who love him” and then “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

God not only wants peace within us, but peace among us as well. In our homes there is always room for improvement. The household of the Holy Family may have been a sinless one, but mistakes and miscommunications surely happened. Joseph probably broke or misplaced tools. Mary probably burnt an occasional loaf of bread. From the Gospels we know they both thought they knew where their 12-year-old boy was as they left Jerusalem for home; several hours passed before they realized he was missing. Even when we deeply love one another, we must learn and practice how to love and serve each other better.

We love each other in many ways, and the best modes by which we experience love can vary from person to person. The book “The Five Love Languages” lays out five major ways that we give and receive love, namely:

— Gift Giving
— Acts of Service
— Affectionate Touch
— Words of Affirmation
— Quality Time

What are your top-two love languages? Can you guess the preferred languages of your spouse and children? Sometimes we try to love others as ourselves by loving them exactly as ourselves and we unfortunately miss our mark. For example, imagine a spouse complaining, “Why don’t you let me know that you love me,” when they really mean “why don’t you get me surprises anymore” (gift giving) or “why don’t you tell me that I delight you and you’re pleased with me” (words of affirmation.) At this, their spouse might reply, “What do you mean? I’m loving you all the time,” when they’re really saying “I take care of the kids and do housework” (acts of service) and “We eat and sit in the living room together every evening” (quality time.) These two loving spouses are loving past each other.

Learn the preferred love languages of your family members, and don’t expect others read your mind, sabotaging our own happiness. Tell them how to delight you. They love you and they want to make you happy. Don’t attack and criticize (“You always this” or “You never that”) but invite them to bless you. And pray together, as a couple and a family. The Holy Family surely did and its one of the most valuable things I can recommend. Some married couples, who have shared a bed for years, have never revealed their personal prayer requests to each other. Pray together, and then even whenever frictions arise, you will remember that you are on the same team, together on the same side with God.

Your home will never be perfect – not even the Holy Family’s was perfect. Life’s circumstances will go awry, and there will be sins we have to apologize for and forgive one another. But with trust in God and a daily commitment to loving and serving each other better, you too can live in the peace and joy of the Holy Family.

Posted in Abraham, Blessed Virgin Mary, Christian Perfection, Homily, Love, Marriage and Family, Nativity, Parenting, Saintly People, St. Joseph, Sunday Homilies | 3 Comments »

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